now what???

so things lately have been really good. they have been so good that i feel like i don't deserve what i have in my life. i have recently received many great blessings that I'm not sure i should have gotten to come back in my life. friendships that i thought were gone and diffident things like that. if you know me then you would know that this has been the hardest year that i have ever faced. i don't really know how got here. how i got to this point in my life. i look back and what this year has meant that the different accomplishments and the failures that i have had. its hard to look at this year and say that it was a good one. but it was a very educational one. yeah educational. thats  a good word to describe it. but you know i wouldn't really trade what i have learned for anything. i have friendship that are stronger and relationships that have been through a lot but are still strong. if anything they have gotten stronger. know i don't really know what a head of me. but i look forward to what life has to throw at me. I'm ready bring it on. 

yes yes thats the way that i was in love

love is such a weird and crazy thing. it will make you do things that you thought you would never do. especially when it is a crazy kind of love. yes crazy. i mean seriously come on when you have a crazy girl screaming in your ear about who knows what. and all you can say is. have you ever noticed how beautiful you are when your mad. wow its like seeing perfection in person. that's a crazy kinda love. i remember so many things that happened where i was like wow that just really happened. like when you would see that girl for the first time. and you noticed that she looks completely out of place and all you can say is hello family, welcome. and then you see her again and she is wearing the most ridicules pair of pajamas and you think to yourself dang that is really hot. that's a crazy kind of love. or when you sit there and your face is touching and she tells you that you want to kiss her. and all you can think of is hey i think ill just kick her off the bed. just so she doesn't know how badly i want to kiss her. i cant giver her everything today. and then you sing her a song that just brings the whole weekend into a dream that you want to live in for the rest of your life. that's a crazy kind of love. and when she tells you that she loves you on accident and then later on that night you tell her that she is the love of your life. and that was not accident. that's a crazy kind of love. so to all those looking for a crazy kind of love. remember that its awesome when your screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. and when its 2 am and cursing their name. and that just makes you go insane. man that is the best kind of love. the crazy love. its awesome. now go and find it.......

ughhhhh

so i noticed that some times friends are hard to come by. this has happened recently in my life. i have had friends come and go and then i have some that have stayed and some times i don't even know why they are still there. but I'm glad that they are. and that sometimes its hard to have a friend that is just a friend and nothing more. that its a crime or something to have someone as your best friend and that its hard for people to understand this. that its ok that i can just be friends with this person and that there is nothing else there but an amazing friendship. and i love that more then anything. its so amazing to have a certain kinda friendship with someone where only you two are the only ones that understand whats going and that's ok. cause you know that you don't owe anything to anyone else. i have a couple of girls that i would consider my best friends and i love it. i love the close friendships that i have with some people. and some more then others. but for the most part I'm so grateful for the friendships that i have. i tend to forget that i need to be grateful for that. i sometimes i forget that. but im glad that i have an amazing friend who keeps reminding me that i have that. she tends to know more then i do. it sucks that that happens a lot. but that's what she here for. to know more then i do. and thats ok with me. thats why she is my best friend

history in the making

as i sat here and watch the numbers climb and i watched the polls rise and realizing that this might just happen. i looked back on the past couple of years and how i watched this man stand for what he stands for. how it took what most people said could not happen and he made it a reality. i sat here and watched for the first time a African American candidate stand before millions people and say that he will be the next president of the united states. and how proud i am to know that. i remembered the first time that i walked into the Obama headquarters in Austin Texas and just said how can help. how can i make a difference. i did what i did. i did what i could do to help. i remembered the time when i took my little sister and watch for the first time the look in her eyes that she knew what she believed in and what she wanted. that at that moment in her life she can stand there and say that she was there to hear the first African American president speak to her and the rest of the people that were there to witness history in the making. i remember my mother who doesn't have much faith in this country say proudly that she voted for the first time in years for a man that she believed in. i sat here and realized that as i watched this speech i was watching history and how i can i was there when. i watched as the first African American president elect speak of that women in Georgia. how he spoke of his family and friends. how he spoke that this was not a victory not just for him but for every American who chased that American dream. who still believes that we are a county based on dreams and chasing our dreams. the what our forefathers fought for is still alive today in this country. how what every American has fought for and fighting for is still alive in this country.
the time is here. change is about to happen. this is not a red country, a blue country, a white country, a black country and Hispanic country. this is my America, your America, our America.we are the United States of America. we are the ones that we have been waiting for. we are the ones that can change this country. yes we can. yes we can do it together. as Americans. lets make a change for the better. lets support a man that has worked hard to come from nothing to something.
even if you dont support borak obama. now is the time to let your voice be heard.now is the time that you need to stand for what you beleive in. we have been promised by our next president that he will be honest with us. i know that that is hard to take in but if you dont let your voice be heard then we will be back where we started. so please let your voice be heard this time around. have faith that our county can change for the better. we can do it together as americans. may god bless this great country and our new president borak obama.

how do you deal

have you ever come to the realization that somethings are ever and that they can never be what you want them to be? well I'm going through that right now. and I'm trying not to go crazy over it. the one thing that i know is that ill be ok. that when one door closes another one opens and you get to see a whole new different side of life. you tend to start looking at things differently and you notice opportunities that you didn't think were there and then you act upon them. you know when ever I'm knocked down like this i usually just lie there and i don't try to make things better for myself. but this time its different. i have friends that support me in what I'm doing and they believe in what I'm doing and who i am. Ive noticed that lately i have so many great friends. and one that is above them all. i don't know what life has in store for me or what will happen to me when it is all said and done. i think that's something most people try to figure out.but one thing that we forget is that we don't always control what happens in our lives. some times we are spectators in are own world. and sometimes we just have to put our hands up and say "alright fine i have no idea what is going on but if you think that this is what i need then so be it. ill do what ever you want me to do. it sucks sometimes when you reach that point in life but you have to go through it. you have to let go and see what else is out there for you. even if it hurts and you don't think that its going to work.

I'm going through something like that right now. i don't know where this is going to go but I'm willing to try something new. i have faith that I'm in good hands and I'll get through this. i have a friend who will tell me that I'm being stupid and that i should stop what I'm doing. so life will be good from here on. I'm so excited for what I'm about to go through. its going to be an awesome ride.

5 years in the making

so five years ago i didn't know much about anything. and i wasn't really into the whole political thing. i was just a kid of 20. and i know this is going to sound really gay but i was watching Oprah with my mom and this man was on there talking to her about what was going on with the city of Chicago. and talked a lot of the crime and what his city was going through. it took me by surprise when he said that it was his city. it made me think about what kind of man he his. i started to kinda pay attention to what he was doing and what he was doing in the senate. then in July of 04 i was bored and i watched the dnc and there he was again. i listened to what he had to say and what he stood for. it was really hard to watch because i was what i thought was a kinda conservative person. but what i had brought light to my eyes and i felt like this is someone who could really change this country and help us in our time of need. i don't know about you but there are somethings that when you hear it you cant stand but to listen. what was said that night i will never forget. to hear a man tell his story about how he came out. to hear him talk about the struggles that he had to go through and they were stories that i have heard myself. but what was great about this man.

four years later i kinda found out what was great about this man. i found out why people were so drawn him. i heard him make an announcement that shocked the world. he announced that he would run for president of the united states. i was shocked and didn't really know how to take it. 2 months later he spoke here in Austin. 15.000-20,000 people attended it was crazy to watch people who have never heard his name put so much trust and faith into one man. it was a very humbling experience to see. but i wasn't convinced.

a year passed and he made his rounds and i was thinking wow the man who i saw years ago is really making an impact on this nation. and then he came to Austin. this time i had to get a close look at this man. and i knew that i had to take someone with Blogger: what is this - Create Postme to share what was going to happen to me. i stood about 20 feet from him. surrounded by about 20,000 people. and i heard a man that i knew could become president. i was 100% behind him.

as time went on he faced a lot of people who didn't kike him some of which are reading this now. but i knew he could pull past the primaries. he lost to an opponent in one state and then he gave the speech that i will never forget. the speech that will forever be in my head. he stated

"It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.
Yes we can.
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.
Yes we can.
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.
Yes we can.
It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.
Yes we can to justice and equality.
Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.
Yes we can heal this nation.
Yes we can repair this world.
Yes we can.
We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change. (We want change.)
We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics…they will only grow louder and more dissonant ……….. We’ve been asked to pause for a reality check. We’ve been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.
But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.
Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea: Yes We Can."


so as i go tomorrow and cast my vote for a man that i think will lead this country in a way that we need it the most. and put forth my faith that my vote will count. my one vote can make a difference. now I'm not a Democrat. I'm not a liberal. i just know what i want. i know that a different future ahead of us and I'm ready for it. I'm ready for a new hope. a new transformed nation. a better America. i sit and shout "YES WE CAN, YES WE CAN, YES WE CAN"

my never

i don't know about y0u or if you know anyone that has ever been someone for just one person. and going through life knowing that you can never be with your never. knowing that only you know that y'all are meant to be and that the person that she is with is the wrong person. and wondering if she ever feels the same way about you. and then you realize that she doesn't. that you are alone. and that finding that one person and trying to make them fall in love you is going to be hard and you think to yourself that this can never happen again. that you will never have those three days of thinking to yourself man is this really happening to me. am i really going through one of those life changing moments where this girl. this beautiful girl is actually talking to me and wants to know everything about me and where i came from. she wants to know about my mom and dad my family and past. she is really trying to get to know where i came from. wow something like that doesn't just happen everyday. ugh but then life goes on and things start to happen. life takes over and then you are alone and you replay everything that you said during those three days and you try and think what would have happened if i said this or what would of happened if i did this. you start playing the what if game. the game that you never like to play. it never comes out the way that you want it to come out.

i sit here alone and think to myself what went wrong. what could i have don't to prevent these things from happening. why cant i have that fairy tale ending. wait does that even exist? is there really such thing as living happily ever after. i don't know. maybe there is. i just know that i wont ever know what it will be like to be with my never. she already has someone. who is her everything. and me I'm just here.

Will you think about me,
in time?
It's never my luck,
So nevermind.
I wanna say your name,
But the pain starts
again,
It's never my luck,
So nevermind.

I had a dream that you where with me ,
And it wasn't my fault,
you roll me over,
flipped me over,
like a summersault.
And that doesn't happen to me
I've never been here before
I saw forever in my never,
And i stood outside her
Heaven.

Will you wait for me,
In time,
It's never my luck,
So I'll say: never mine.
And i lost a lot of what i
never expect to ever
return
I tend to push it 'till the pushing turns from
hurting to burn,
I always take them to the place they always wanted
to go,
Then end up dancing 'round
this clown commands,
applause at a show...

I had a dream that you where with me ,
And it wasn't my fault,
you roll me over,
flipped me over,
like a summer salt.
And that doesn't happen to me
I've never been here before
I saw forever in my never,
And i stood outside her
Heaven
heaven,
inside her heaven,
heaven

And i could only dream of you and sleep,
but i won't see sunlight again,
i can try to be with you , but some how I'll end up just losing a friend,
And i can only reach for you
relate to you,
I'm losing my friend...
Where did she go?
where?

I had a dream that you where with me ,
And it wasn't my fault,
you roll me over,
flipped me over,
like a summer salt.
And that doesn't happen to me
I've never been here before
I saw forever in my never,
And i stood outside her
Heaven
I stood outside her heaven(3x)

Will you let me into your heaven?

then there was one

so ive come to the realization that its just going to be me for awhile. i dont know how long it will be. but from the looks of it it may be awhile. but im ok with that you know. ive learned a lot about myseld and kinda the person that i want to bel. im not here to make you happy of to cater to everything that you need. i dont always want to make everyone happy. im sorry but thats the truth. im kinda tired of always trying to make people happy and getting nothing in return. i try my hardest to alway make my friends and the people that i encounter days a little bit better because of what i did for them. but now im at the point where i dont really care anymore. ive reached the what about me stage in life. when is it going to be my turn to get what i want in life. i sit here alone in a room with an empty feeling and thinking to myself there has to be something better then this in life. there has to be more. i want to see what is out there in the world and i want to know what life has for me. but right now i just want those simple little things in life that i used to treasure. but i know i just treasure...... well nothing. i feel like im alone. i look like im alone. i am alone. its just me and it kinda sucks. im sick of people always asking me whats wrong or they ask if im ok. the answer is always going to be yes. i dont like to throw pitty parties for myself. ( and no this is not one) it you think it is your stupid and you dont know what venting is like. thats all this is. i have no one else to talk to so im telling the world whats going on. like marvin gaye said.
i dont know how to be happy. i dont know what makes me happy i just know how i feel. and its not how i want to feel. so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. but i dont expect any thing so its all good. so im going to back and do what ever i can to make your life better and go back to being that best that i can be for everyone else.

greatness

what is greatness? what does it mean to be great at something? it is the state, condition, or quality of being great. so what does that mean? what does it mean to be in the state, condition, or quality of greatness. i have thought a lot this week of what it mean to be great. and how i could reach greatness. as i live my life i try to be good at what ever i do. i try to be a great friend, brother, son, and so on. but to achieve what the world defines as greatness is not what i would consider greatness to be. i have taken what i have done with my life and have realized that i have a long way to go to be great. to be what i want to be. to reach greatness. to be the man that could be the one that people look at as some what of a leader in whatever i do. i look around and i kinda compare myself to the people around me and i realize that i am different then most around me. i have a job that most people would not want in life but to me i love it. i once had a friend tell me that if you ever want to know what you want to do in life just think of what you find yourself doing at night when you have nothing to do. you know doing what makes you happy when no one else is around. i have always taken that to heart and that helped me realize what i wanted to do with my life. its funny to me when i hear people say that they dont want to go to work or that they are starting to hate the job that they have. i laugh because i love what i do. to me i do what i love and i love what i do. when the day comes when i say that i hate my job is when i need to take a look at my life and restart what i am doing. to achive greatness you cant be living your life the way that is wrong for you. find what makes you happy what is the one thing that you find yourself doing at 1 am when no one is around. that is when you find your so calles calling in life. that is when you find what you can be great at.

as i think about what i can do to reach the state of greatness i think about some of the examples that i have of men that to me in my eyes have reached the stage of greatness well not just men but people that i know. some of which dont even know that they have reached that stage in life but thwy are trying there very best to become the person that they know they want to be.

so i know i have a lot to learn in my young life and that i have a long way to go before oi reach the stage of greatness. and i know that one day i wil reach that stage and that i will become what i know is the very best that i can be. i hope that in someones eyes i will be what they wnat in life. that i will become what they want in a husband and father if thier children. only time will tell when i reach that stage. but until that day i promies to be the best that i can be. to be what ever you want me to be. who ever you are.

well here i am

so the past couple of weeks ive been debating a lot of things and kinda what i should do with y life right now. one of the things that ive been debating is if i should start dating. im not sure if i should or not. its not a being ready type of thing of if im ready or not its just a me type of thing. i mean i dont really know what i have to offer to the girls here. i mean with all the people that i have to i guess have compete with its kinda hard. i have a couple strikes against me at the get go. i mean im not an rm. thats one. i'm not currently in school so that is kinda looked down i guess cause everyone and they're mom is. the job i have is not what you would call the best. but i tell you what i love it more then anything. on somedays. but i just dont know about this whole dating thing. in some ways im kinda not ready. ive kinda gotten into it a little but nothing worth getting in to a relationship with.ugh. i really hate this part of life sometimes but i know that i need to go through it. i just think that i really know what im looking for now. i mean i thought i knew what i wanted in life but now i just dont know what im looking for. there are so many things that i want in life and i dont know if i can find someone that has everything that i want. i guess only time will till if i will ever find what i want in life. maybe the person that im looking for is right in front of me. but i just dont see them for that yet. ughhhhhhhhh why is life like this sometimes. hopefully life will be what i want it to be. hopefully i will find true happiness again. i once had it and i know what kind of joy it brings. life can be so sweet sometimes. :)

ike

so this weekend i saw something that i didnt think that i would ever see. i saw a man that has been going through a lot in his life put everything that he has been going through behind him. we were helping out in lake jackson with the clean up that is going on after hurricane ike. and i saw a member of our stake presidency working harder then any one there. i saw a man working for the good of a community that he didnt even live in. i saw a man that worked so hard on loving the people in this town with out even knowing them. he worked and worked and worked till he had no more in him. then he just pushed right through it. it was such a great feeling that we had such a great person there working with us to make the people of that town happy. i grew so much watching that man work as hard as he did. i realized then what true service was. what it is like to work hard throught anything that you are going through. that when you think that you have it bad when you are sitting there and you are thinking to yourself and saying why is this happening to me? that is when you need to find some kind of service. that is when you need to dig down and know that there is someone that is worse off that you are. and that you need to find them and do what it takes to make them happy. service is the way to find what happiness is. i learned that i need to do more of it and that doing something like that really does make me happy. i just hope that i will always remember what i saw that day. that even when your down and out service is the that will make you happy.

so here i am

so things the past couple of days have been up and down for me. ive noticed a lot of different things about myself that i have forgotten or just don't really imply in my everyday life. i have forgotten that my life isn't just my life. that i "live" for different things that make me or someone else happy. i always strive to better myself and the lives of the people that mean the most to me. some times i do do stupid things and that i always get "called out" for it. but i really do try my hardest and try really hard to better myself everyday. i notice that my friends and that the people that i care the most about are trying to do the same. ugh i don't know why things cant really come out the way that we want them to come out. but i'm glad that they do at the same time. what would we do if everything that we ever wanted came true. i don't think that we would ever learn the things that we know now. its like the song says "sometimes i thank god for unanswered prayers remember when your talking to the man upstairs.that just because he doesn't answer doesnt mean he dont care Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"

AND THERE SHE WAS

so over the past couple of months i have been really trying to find myself and kinda get a feel on how i want my life to turn out. and during this process ive had people in my life come and go. some of them i really miss and have tried to make this friendship work. and now i can say that it was all worth it. ive been told that i couldn't make it work. that a friendship would not work out between us. but as of right now i have never been so happy in my life. i saw this person last night. it was really funny cause i had the whole nervous thing going on. like the whole time. i could nt help but to be nervous the whole time that she was here. i have really missed the feelings that she gave me when i saw her. its a good thing. a really good thing. i just wish that more people would be happy for me. but i was glad that one of my best friends was really happy . i was really nervous to let here know about all of this. i didn't want her to think that all the advice that she has giving me over the months was pointless. i really did apply what she had told me. but at the end of the day its my decision. i know what makes me happy. and my friend makes me happy.

so now what

so i've noticed a lot of things the past couple of days. i've watched people change the course the of their lives. do the whole what am i going to do when i grow up. but one things seems to be the same with my friends they all have the same ideas the same end to what they want in life. its really made me think about what life is all about, is it about what kind of grades that you get/got in school. is it about how much money you make at your job. is it what am i going to do to get that person to notice me today.i think not. i think life is all about what you make for yourself. its about that moment that make you the happiest. do what you love and love what you do. that is what will make you happy. as i look at my friends and what they have accomplished in life i'm glad to say that for the most part they have their heads on straight and know what they want out of life. it is the example of people like this that is going to make this a better world.

i love it i love it i love it

so today was such an awesome day. i saw some friends that i haven't seen a long time. well maybe a couple of months. but to us its a lifetime. its funny to see how your friends in up. you know with the decisions that they end up making. but i love it when i see a friend who thought they would never get married. sit there and say i miss (insert any name you want). it makes me really happy inside cause i know that that person is so happy with the one that they married. or to see a friend finally marry their soul mate. the one that they have been looking for their whole life. to see people that are truly happy is such a blessing. i saw a lot of things tonight. tears of joy was the one thing that i saw the most. its funny when you see friends and family see someone that they care about have that first dance the first kiss the first everything as husband and wife. what a joy it brings to ones life. then you have those friends that are still looking for that person. that one who will "complete" them. its funny how people use the word "complete" when finding a true love. cause its so true. when you have found that one person who in a sense makes you whole makes you want to be better person. thats when you find true happiness.

i hope that one day i will find that one person who completes me. who makes me want to be a better person. that day will be a glorious day for me. but to the ones that have found that one person who makes them whole. who completes them who makes them want to be a better person my hat goes off to you. but i do say. dont ever forget that feeling when you knew that that person is the one for you. because you never know what could happen. keep your heart, mind and spirit to the lord and you will never go wrong

well then

so i've realized the past couple of days that the past needs to stay in the past. as i rekindle this old friendship i'm learning that i have to be very careful on what i do and say. i don't want to ignite some old feelings that might still be there. but have turned into different feelings. if that makes sense to anyone. i still get scared of the friendship not working out. and not trying to get in the way of any existing relationship that either one of us in. or want to be in. i still need to learn how to adapt to this new kind of relationship that i have formed. ugh why cant things just be the way that they used to be or the way they should be. well maybe this is how they are supposed to be. i don't know. i still have friends that think that is not a good idea. but who are they to tell me what i do and don't do. i have my big boy pants on now.haha. right now i'm just trying to figure my self out and learn more and more about myself. you know the things that i should have learned when i was younger. or maybe i did but just forgot. im not perfect but i'm trying really hard to be the best person that i could be. I'm going to make many mistakes in my life. I'm going to do things that dont make any sense to anyone but to me they make perfect sense.i think thats part of life. you live and learn and then you find what makes you happy and you go with it. no matter what it is. i love my life right now. its so freaking sweet. i still think that i have some of the best friends in the world. and I'm starting up some new ones.i just hope that one day i can be home again. home is where my heart is. i lost it a while back and i got it back recently. but now i dont really know where it is. so many people have a piece of it. some small and some bigger then others. and then there is the biggest piece of it all that is waiting for someone to take it back. but i know she never will. she cant.

here we go again

so the other day i thought that it would be fun if i played a little football. and if you know me then you know what that means. yes another trip to the hospital. great fun. looks liked i just sprained my ankle again. ugh this suck. but this time the pain is far worse then it has ever been. i dont know why i do this to myself all the time. it really sucks.

so i recently just rekindled an old friendship. i dont know what will come out of it. i mean if we will keep what we have and be able to "just be friend". what does that even mean. cause you know that it will always be a little more then that. i mean you share a part of yourself with this person and to just kinda forget about it is really hard.ugh i just hope that we can stay friends and not lose each other again. it was always hard to lose a friend like i had. my best friend and my confidant. i mean to just lose someone like that and to know that it was because of your doing really hurts and takes a toll on you. i hope this person can forgive me for what has happened. she has told that she has but i dont know if that is true. just cause i know that if it was me i wouldn't be so forgiving. i also try VERY hard to forgive myself for what has happened. but i know that in due time things will work out for the two of us. i know that so far they are looking up. i think that i am happy. i feel happy but i dont know if that is just me telling myself that i am happy or if i just lie to myself and kinda convince myself that i am. i hope i just know what im doing. i feel like i do. things are good. really good

what a gnome what a gnome what a mighty good gnome

so today was one of those days where at the end of the day your like really did that just happen. oh crap did i really just buy a garden gnome. yes yes you did jason. you are an owner of a garden gnome named Cecil. why did i name him Cecil well..... there is no real reason why i named him that, it was just the first that came to my mind when we bought him. so being an owner of a gnome is harder then i thought. according to my friends i have to treat him like a a child. so does that i mean i have to feed him burp him and change his diapers? wait i didn't sign up for this i just wanted a freakin garden gnome thats it. oh well so far he has brought me nothing but joy so i guess its worth it.

so today also turned out to be one of those days that i just love. i was woken up by a phone call at like 9 am. ummm i don't function that early in the morning sometimes. i'm sorry if i don't. but its ok cause we went and did a bunch of really cool things. bought a gnome, got my hair did. yes i said that. went and ate some tasty burgers, had some really good cheeses took some pictures with Cecil, celebrated Michaels cousin birthday . played some games . ate at the best pizza place in Austin (home slice pizza) took some more pictures almost got in to a fight. oh what a night . sometimes i just really love my life.......

new plan

so I'm not one to blog. i don't really like to show many people the real me. but i think its something that i should really do. i have learned a lot these past couple of months. i have loved someone with all my heart and have lost that one person to reasons that i cant explain. i have also learned that people show there true colors in times that you need them the most. with that said i must say that i have some pretty dang awesome friends and i wouldn't give them up for anything in this world. i have also learned that sometimes when you think that you know someone they always tend to show you a different side of them and that always opens your eyes to new possibilities . not one of that of a relationship but one of just amazement. its when you think you know how the world works is when you lean that you don't know jack. I've really learned this recently. some times i just sit there and just think really? really? this is happening right now. they really just did that. man some people are really stupid. but some times i just think wow that is amazing if the rest of the world knew what i know the world would really be a better place.

but enough of that. so a little about who i am. i LOVE food. more then i love most things and people. i love it so much that i would give up almost any thing just for a taste. some people live to eat and some eat to live. man oh man i live to eat. i live life like the way i eat. i love making the fancy stuff you know the steak au jus and the NY strip like the next guy. but i am most comfortable making a pbandj sandwich and mac and cheese. thats when I'm the happiest. so if you ever want to know what kind of a mood i'm in or how my day is going just ask a fod question. it always makes me happy.

i dont know what i plan on doing with this blog or if I'll keep it up. but just know that when i do post something on here its cause i need to vent or just bored and want the rest of the world to know