well then

so i've realized the past couple of days that the past needs to stay in the past. as i rekindle this old friendship i'm learning that i have to be very careful on what i do and say. i don't want to ignite some old feelings that might still be there. but have turned into different feelings. if that makes sense to anyone. i still get scared of the friendship not working out. and not trying to get in the way of any existing relationship that either one of us in. or want to be in. i still need to learn how to adapt to this new kind of relationship that i have formed. ugh why cant things just be the way that they used to be or the way they should be. well maybe this is how they are supposed to be. i don't know. i still have friends that think that is not a good idea. but who are they to tell me what i do and don't do. i have my big boy pants on now.haha. right now i'm just trying to figure my self out and learn more and more about myself. you know the things that i should have learned when i was younger. or maybe i did but just forgot. im not perfect but i'm trying really hard to be the best person that i could be. I'm going to make many mistakes in my life. I'm going to do things that dont make any sense to anyone but to me they make perfect sense.i think thats part of life. you live and learn and then you find what makes you happy and you go with it. no matter what it is. i love my life right now. its so freaking sweet. i still think that i have some of the best friends in the world. and I'm starting up some new ones.i just hope that one day i can be home again. home is where my heart is. i lost it a while back and i got it back recently. but now i dont really know where it is. so many people have a piece of it. some small and some bigger then others. and then there is the biggest piece of it all that is waiting for someone to take it back. but i know she never will. she cant.