what to do next.

so tonight was a very interesting night for me. i think with every night i learn more and more about myself. i learn that with friendships i tend to take them in so many different ways. like i keep my close friends really close to me. kinda near and dear to my heart. i enjoy them so much and i find it kinda hard when they have to leave the city. and th

en i have the ones where all i want is for them to find that happiness that they have been missing. its like when you meet someone for the first time and you see so much potential in what they are able to do. you see them for who they are and what they have accomplished on this earth with the time that they have been given. and the more and more that you get to know them the more you stand at awe that they are sitting there with you. all you can do is smile and thank the lord for the friendship that he has brought you. but the ones that my heart does go out to are the ones that find themselves in situations where they are not treated the way that they should be. and you kinda have to sit there and keep quite. even though you know that you can do better.and it breaks your heart knowing that they are hurting. all you want to do is hold them and tell them that it is going to be ok. ughh it sucks when you go out with a girl for the first time and you see all those great qualities about her. and you hear her laugh and see that smile that can light up a room. it makes you think that maybe there is someone out there for everyone. and i hope that one day i find this girl where ever she might be. you kinda have that high for awhile and you keep looking at her wishing that she can't see that fear that is in you. the fear that makes you feel nervous, weak in the knees, you start to say things that you really shouldn't but you know you want to just so that she would smile.its hard to have these types of feelings and not to be able to do anything about it. i have people ask what to do in these types of situations and all i can say is that there is nothing that you can really do. you pretty much have to wait for the girl to make up her mind. just make sure that you give her any type of ultimatums. i hear that some girls don't like that.:) but at the same time just make sure that no matter what. the one thing that you truly want for her at the end of the day is that she knows that you have her support in what ever she does. and that as her friend you will always be there for her. no matter what. i just hope that she reads this for the sake of you and hers. just find what makes you happy in life. that is what i think we do as a world, you should never deny your heard to happiness.espeically when you are making anothers heart happier then yours. the feeling is great when you make someones day

some times its not meant to be for some people.

So I've taken a long time and have done a lot of thinking these past couple of months about my life. and about what i want to do with my life and certain aspects of my life that i need to work on. its been really hard lately. i have a friend that i have so much in common with and I'm trying really hard to keep my feelings to myself. and not really give my heart out to this person. its been really hard watching this person from a far and thinking how much you know them. and how much you know what they want. its hard cause you know that you can make them so much happier but at the same time the timing just isn't right. and its really hard going through out the day and having that person always in my mind and you try and try to get them out. but it just doesn't work. dang it!!!! but at the same time its wonderful to have that person there in my head. :)

i always try to be that person that i need to be for that other person. i once heard that instead of making a list of what you want. you should be that person for the one who's looking for you. and i try really hard to do that. but sometimes its just not enough. sometimes you work so hard to be something/someone that you kinda lose focus on what your end goal will be. so i have tried to be that someone for that someone and i think to myself why cant i have what i want. am i just not trying hard enough or am i just not right for this person. as i go day in and day out i think why is life so hard some times. why are people put in my life that i have so much in common with and then just like that i realize that its just not going to work. she's taken. ughh life is so hard. its filled with ups and downs and it twist you in so many directions that your left with your head spinning in a thousand different ways.

i wish i could just tell this person how i really feel. it would make my life so much easier. just so that this person has a understanding on how i feel. how I'm very motivated. i work hard for what i have. i like to be the man in the relationship and i don't want her to wear the pants in it.(not cool) and how i would rather spend the night making dinner for her. rather then hanging out with my other friends. and how i think that I'm pretty nice and sweet and will do everything in my power to make her happy and feel like she is given the world every day. and that i will always make her smile and laugh. even after we fight and have a huge argument. i will tell her that i love her. those are always the great times in a relationship cause you get to make up afterwords. and how i need someone to be a mother to my children and a wonderful wife to me. this is what i would be to this person. who ever she may be. i don't know if i know this person now. but i do hope that one day i will be able to give this person my heart and everything that i have to give to one person. one day i will find what i am looking for. but i do hope that she finds me sooner then i find her. girls are so much smarter and they'll tell you if you should date them. but until then i will keep being me. and will do what i can as a friend. and tell you that im happy for you. and i will still make you smile miss lady. i always will.:)

Ok so recently i have had a couple of sappy blog post. i know i know. i don't know what i was thinking. i just had a lot of things on my mind and i needed to get it off my chest. so now i just wanted to write something that i guess is uplifting. so this past weekend i had the opportunity to get some personal inspiration and some spiritual guidance. and i must say it was awesome. i try and try to do my best everyday and be the best at what i do. i know that i have so much to learn and that day by day i am learning so much about what i am capable of doing. and now i look at what i have accomplished and i know that i can do so much more. not just in my personal life but in my day to day activities. there is so much that i need to learn about life and that i am still learning. i try and keep goals that i would like to accomplish. but then i get slapped down and put in my place. that is when i realize that my goals are just suggestions to what i want to do. that ultimately it is not up to me. it wasn't until i figured that out that i realized that i have the opportunity to be what ever want and reach the goals that i think i can accomplish. and will accomplish. i just need to apply myself in ways that i have never done. and then that is when i think that i can reach my true potential. so until the day that i find out what my true potential is i will try my hardest to be what it is i need to be. and i will help others reach the goals that they have set for themselves.