the places i have come to fear the most

ok so the year has started out not the way that i wanted it to. well i guess in a way it did with certain aspects of my life. i have an amazing girlfriend who i have come to love more and more everyday that i see her. she honestly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. even though sometimes i can be a jerk and have to have things my way she still tries to do everything in her power to make me happy. and i love that about her. you know my friends relationships can be really hard. i once heard a quote from one of our modern day poets " a mans greatness is determined by the obstacles he is faced with in life" -Curtis (aka 50 cent) Jackson. and you know this has been on my mind for the past couple of months. i don't know how this is going to pertain to my relationship with Malinda. but if i can make it where a relationships greatness is determined by the stupid and idiotic things that the guy does. then i think that we can make it and become something more then we have ever dreamed of. i don't know exactly how or when we will determine if we have overcome any of our obstacles we have been faced with. i mean when can you really determine if a relationship is successfully. i mean just because you have been together for years upon years does that make you a success?? i dont know. if any of my readers are "wise" in the ways of relationships then do tell. please oh please tell. but until then we will be happy and become what we are i guess destined to become. i cant wait to see what life has for us.


so another thing that has been on my mind is something that is common to you. something that i have been talking to you (world) for about a year now. and you know what i think that i am at the end of my rope with this one. i really dont want to be. but i feel like i cant be civil without this feeling like i am doing to much. ughh what else do i have to do to show this person that they play a role in my life. one that can be very important to me. but i guess that isnt going to happen. there was a time in my life where i.... i guess wanted this person to play a certain part. but now it cant be. and how grateful i am for that. no offense to what this is. but you know what i mean. it sucks that in life you cant write the part that you want your roles to play. you know you have the role of the bff and the one who shows you parts about yourself that you have forgotten. parts that were lost but they found them and brought it back to you. i have had a lot of that type of characters in my life. and oh how i wish things were different with my life. well not really i mean like i said earlier i have a great girlfriend. i have really really amazing friends but still there something missing in my life. but you know its ok. its ok to not have everything that you want in life. i have come to learn that. because even though you are some where that is unfamiliar to you. when you are some where that you fear more then anything in life. that my friends is where you find that one thing that will save your life. that is when you will find the light that will bring you happiness. that is why i am happy. even though i am some where that i dont want to be in life i am happy. i have the best thing that a man could ever want. i have you.

ok maybe this wasnt a good idea

ok for the past couple of months i have given up fast food and soda. when i first started this i thought that it was going to be pretty rough. for one i love diet coke. more then i ever thought i would. and i love fast food. i know some of you are thinking well jason you can cook some amazing food why must you eat such horrible food. and the reason is just like everyone else. im lazy and it taste so good. but one day in august i just couldn't take it anymore. i had to have some kind of change in my life. most people give these things up for health reasons. they want to lose weight and get healthier. for me it was a realization of " hey i can make better food then this crap. i can cook whatever i wanted to". there were many advantages to doing this. i did end up losing weight. i did feel healthier. it gave me a sense of accomplishment for doing nothing. i mean i lost around 10lbs. and honestly i did nothing. i maybe worked out a couple of times during the past couple of months. so not having fast food and soda really does make a difference. i learned a lot over these past couple of months. one i love water. there is nothing like have a huge cup of ice cold water. there were times when it was like 30 degrees outside and i would still want a huge cup of ice cold water. it was awesome. i got really used to only drinking water. on few occasions i would have something other then water. and even then it was really weird. but i think my drink of choice was horchata. i know random seeing that i dont really do many "mexican" things. but drinking that made me happy for some weird reason. but still water was my choice of beverage for sometime now. i will admit there were some times where i just couldnt take it any longer and i just wanted some diet coke to make me happy. but i kept my cool and didnt give into the temptation of soda.


so now here we are. a new year. a new start as some would say. i never really understood why people would call it a new start. well cause people remember you. they remember what happened the year before. i think i would consider a "new start" as moving to a place where no one knows who you are . where you can be what ever you want. that is new start. so here i am. its 2010. i dont have any new years resolutions. i just have goals. new years resolutions are things people break when the new year is over. when February hits and you forget all the resolutions you made just weeks before. so here is what i am planning, here are my goals for the new year. a new year for me to continue what i have been doing. i plan on giving up fast food and soda for the whole year. i think that im going to plan on just easing my way off of it totally. it hasnt really brought me happiness. its brought my mainly a bunch of fat that i have to carry around with me. but you know its ok. no one forced me to eat it. although im really going to miss the greatness of wendy's and whatabuger. i also have other goals that im going to accomplish in this year. one that will change my life for the best. i cant wait to see what is going to happen to me this year. i cant wait to start the next chapter in my life. life is good right now. im truly happy. so here is to you my friends. i raise my cup to my friends and to those in the world. let this year be the year that defines who you are and what you stand for. be what you've always wanted to be. chase that dream live it, love it, breath it. dont let anyone tell you that you cant follow your dream. make it happen. please make it happen. i hope all of your dreams and wishes come true to you all. good eats my friends.