relationships

Lately ive noticed a lot of things happening around me. its been really interesting to watch how a lot of things happen in your mind when you see them going a different way. i have had a lot of friends have wonderful things happen to them in their personal life that i just want to jump up and give them a high five and say to the world that im so proud of my friends. and then at the same time i have seen a lot of heartache. relationships that have gone wrong. engagements that didn't work out. friendships that couldn't go the way that you might have hoped they would. and my heart goes out to them. i know what your going through. 

i wonder what would happen if things always went the way that we wanted them to go. like  when we sat there and wished for that one moment to be ours and that we wait for that one person to take us away from it all. what would life be like if everything went our way. would we still be the people we are today. for me i know that i wouldn't. i wouldn't be the strong motivative person that i am today. i used to sit there in my room and think why things would happen to me. why sometimes when i would take 3 steps forward i would get knocked back 5 steps. ughh why did this always happen. and now i know why things happened to me. and i am forever grateful for what i have been through. i can look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what i see. and i know that no matter what happens i know that i can pull through it. that i need just to have faith that no matter what things will always get better. cause when you are feeling your worst and that nothing can make things better. is when you need to realize that hey its only going to get better. and it will. we just need to be patient. i know that sometimes the road can be long and hard. and that sometimes you just dont want to play the game anymore and you just want to give up. but when you get pass that feeling. oh man things just get better. the laughter becomes louder the smile is brighter and the love is even better. so to those who are in need of a pick me up. know that things will get better. things will start going your way and that life is so sweet sometimes that you know that a little piece of heaven just opened. and for those who have found happiness. my hat goes off to you. well done my friend may your life be full of those special moments that take your breath away. and cherish what you have and never take it for granted. life just doesn't get better when you are truly happy. 

what to do next

well the past couple of months have been very interesting. Ive seen a lot of things that i didn't think would really happen. or even go my way. but Ive learned that i just need to sit back and take in the ride that I'm going through.
Ive thought about my life a lot lately and where i am in it now and whether or not its where i really want to be. i have had the privilege to watch a friend of mine kinda go through the same thing that i have gone through. it brought me back to some of my first culinary experiences. whats funny is i have another friend who asked me how i got started with cooking. oh how i miss the days of learning about how to cook. you know some people when they talk about their first. you know their first kiss, the first love the first well you know it just keeps going on and on. but i remember other things my other first. like the first time that i tasted what a black truffle tasted like of foie gras, veil, scallops well i bet you get the picture. but for me those are my first. well the ones that count right now in my life. i still have the first kiss, the first love. but for me right now its not really about that. its about what is the next thing that is going to make my pallet just go crazy. what is going to make it jump for joy. make it jump up and scream yessss that is what I'm talking about.
Ive watched other people who are living the dream that i want to live. who have families and they live the chef''s life. oh how i wish i could live that dream. just to come home from long day in the kitchen and have a family to come home to. i mean don't get me wrong i love coming home to my roommates. but its not the same. i want more then what i have now. i want to live that life that i have always wanted. i have a friend who's family has a bakery and in a way they are living that dream. i try and learn what i can so that in the future i know what i want and how to run things. but now its really difficult trying to get there. i just wish i could press the fast forward button and get to where i want to be.ughhh.
oh well, i know that there is a reason why i am where i am right now. and i know that i will soon find that person for me that will make me happy and will help me get there. its just getting to that point to where she will be able to find me. i just hope that there is someone out there who wants to live the same dream that i want to live. but until then i have to keep doing what i need to do. and just stay happy and keep that smile that i have. i know that i still have a lot to learn about me and what i am able to accomplish in my short life. i know there are so many things that i want to do but its really hard to find the motivation to do things. ughh only time will tell on what is next for me. i just hope that its soon and sweet