on second thought table for 2

OK so recently i have had a lot of good things happen to me in my life. i have been dealing with the inner demons in my life and taking control of how i live my life. and while i have been silently doing this i have gained much more then i have ever dreamed of. i have gained so much that i don't even know where to start. all i can say is that God has a plan for me. and he puts certain people in my life for reasons that i cant explain. they are there to take care of me when i am sick, they are there to comfort me when i am in need of comfort.

these past couple of months i have been keeping to myself and to a select number of people. mainly my girlfriend and my family. i have started to reevaluate my life and where i am headed. i couldn't do this in the home that i am living in. it is there that i feel the most judged and unwelcome. but you know its ok. for one they don't really know who i am and where i am going with my life. i cant find happiness there. and i know that it is best that i leave them. it is not where i feel at home. nothing is there that can make me happy. well maybe one thing. ok so i have never used any ones name in my blog and i don't think that i should use her name now. but there is one person who frequently visits the house and i know she knows who i am talking about. she is one of the best friends that i have ever had. she truly is someone that i have learned i can trust and that i know i can always call my friend. love you kel. :)

now my life is taking a turn that i know will lead to happiness. i have had the opportunity to find out who i really am. i have taken the time to look at myself and to figure out who i really am. and you know what i see now. i see someone who is ready to take charge of their life again. i am ready to be happy. im ready to take that next big step in my life and become that man i am destined to become. i have everything that i need in my life right now to pursue my dreams. i know that there are going to bumps along the way and i know that it is going to be hard and frustrating at times. but i have a wonderful person behind me who believes in me. i have some great friends great family who has accepted the person that i care for in like there own. life is good. i am happy for once in my life. there isn't much that i have to fear now. now is the time where i make my move towards greatness. now is the time for me to be happy.

so to my friends who are in the world. now is the time for you to be happy. now is the time to find out who you are. dont allow yourself to dig a hole that you cant get out of. dont become that person that everyone hates. be the person that makes a difference in the lives of the ones that you care for. always make it a table for 2. its lonely when you always ask for the table for 1. good eats my friends

table for one please

so i have noticed a lot of things lately. and one of those things that i have noticed is that i eat by myself a lot. i dont know if its a good thing or not. i tend to cook for others a lot and still finding myself eating alone. i dont know why im writing a post about this but its something that has been on my mind.

on another note..... table for two. yes for two. i have been really happy the past couple of months. well in my own way. i have had a couple of roadblocks these past couple of months but you know what i have had someone on my side that makes me really happy. she is pretty much an amazing girl. to stand by me when things we really stressful for me. and now to know that no matter how difficult i can be she still loves me. im glad that i have her in my life. she truly is a blessing to me right now. i hope she knows it. i have so much more i wanted to add to this post but it looks like its going to have to wait. so world until next time.

some people are just not meant for you

so sometimes in life you meet people. and some of them are those that you wish could play a major part in your life's play. and then there are those that you meet and just fall for and then they just end up being like everyone else. they are there just for their own amusement. i have come to realize this in my own life. i have a friend that i only hear from when they want something from me. and it really hurts because i once considered them one of my best friends and now i don't know what we are. i have asked this person that if they need something then I'm going to need more of a friendship from them. and not talk to them only when they need something..... i have yet to hang out with this person. therefore i can no longer help this person anymore. i wish that things could have ended up differently for us. but now i don't what will happen to us.

another thing that is going on with my life is that i have this friend. she is wonderful and pretty much everything that i have ever wanted in a girl. she is smart, funny, gorgeous and easy to talk to, she makes me very happy ever time that i see her. but there is one problem... i cant have her. well here is the thing. in a way i already have her. i mean honestly i have fallen hardcore with her. oh and im only telling you this because i trust you. i write to you ( the world) as much as i can and i feel that we have been through so much together. and that sometimes i need to tell you good things that are going well for me. or kinda going well. ok so back to the story. so she is pretty amazing. I'm reminded of past relationships when I'm with her. and i know that you read this and in no way am i trying to tell you that what we had was nothing compared to what i have now. but this.. this right here is something special. she is someone that i have found myself talking to late at night and telling her everything that i want to do with my life. and how she can play that role in my life that i want her to play. i wish i can sit here and tell you that this is a story that ends with a happy ending but i cant. well mainly because the story isn't over yet. there is still so much to be written for us. there is so much that hasn't been told. no matter how many times that i have to bear my soul to you and tell you how perfect we are together i know that there is still so much that we need to work on. there are still things that i need to tell you about me. and so much that i need you to tell me about you.

so as i sit here and write this knowing that our future is uncertain and that only time will tell what is going to happen with us. I'll try to sleep, to keep you in my dreams til I can bring you home with me I'll try to sleep And when I do I'll keep you in my... dreams. its funny how my feelings can be summed up by a simple blue october song. but its so true. I'm still here with my hands raised as if to show you that I was yours That I was so yours for the taking I'm so yours for the taking That's when I felt the wind pick up I grabbed the rail while choking up These words to say and then you kissed me i hope that one day i do get to take you home. i do get to live that life that we both deserve. in the end is just us that really matters. no one else does. just you and me.

"18th Floor Balcony"

I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?

My breath is on your hair
I'm unaware
That you opened the blinds and let the city in
God, you held my hand
And we stand
Just taking in everything.

And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony.
We're both flying away.

So we talked about mom's and dad's
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me

And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...

I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
We're both flying away.

And I'll try to sleep
To keep you in my dreams
'til I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
And when I do I'll keep you in my... dreams

I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony, yeah

I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
No, we're not going to sleep

Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony... we're both..
Flying away