Well.......

Well i don't really know where to start. I feel like have been neglecting my blog. Seeing that my last post was in May. So much has happened in my life that i just need to let the world know. After asking the girl of my dreams to marry me I thought that it was going to be a smooth ride till the wedding. Seeing that i was in love and things were going really for me i couldn't think of anything that can ruin my high. But I guess you cant always have your cake and eat it too.I'm having a hard time with my future in-laws. Well just father-in-law. Its as if we cant do anything right in his eyes. We try so hard to make Our plans work for us. I think its something that he is having trouble with it. I can tell that he is someone that has to have control of every situation. I'm sorry but its not that easy with me. If you have known me for awhile then you would know that i have had "daddy" issues. Growing up i didn't have the best father. I was abused physically and emotionally. And i think that the emotional abuse is what hurt the most. I was always told that i wouldn't amount to anything and that i was pretty much useless. I had to help raise my younger siblings when i was 18. I don't know about you but being a father figure to a bunch of kids at 18 is not the best thing for a kid. But i did what i had to. I became the man that they needed me be. For years i put myself last and them first. I did my best. So now that i am older there are things that i just don't put up with. And having a controlling person try and run my life isn't going to fly. Malinda tells me to just forget about it and that's just the way he is. But i cant do it. there have been times where i just wanted to give up because of what he has done to her. But i cant. I'm in love with an amazing girl. Some members of her family don't see me for who i am.I don't know how they see me. Maybe its because I'm not successful enough for them. But I'm sorry i don't have a daddy to turn for everything that i have. But for the most part i love my new family. The change for me is going to be hard. I guess all i can do is put a fake smile on my face and do what makes Malinda happy.

On another note. I was in the hospital last week. It was hard to be there. To just lie in that bed and not be able to do anything. I was given some news that would change my life forever. The way that i cook the way i eat the way i live my life. I don't know if anyone can relate or not. But i have never had a moment in my life when i just sat there and watch my life change in minutes. I didn't know what to do or to say. I looked at Malinda and thought to myself how is she going to want to be with me when I'm down and out. I'm her rock I'm everything and now I'm stuck to this bed. So many things were going on in my head. Not to sound over dramatic or anything but that is what i was thinking. I'm better now. Malinda still loves me. everything is ok now. One thing that really change my out look on things was one nurse. Now i have never really thought much of nurses. I know that they play an important role in the hospital. They are very smart and most of them know a lot about what they are doing. But this time i saw a nurse who did more then just poke me. She came in about 6 in the morning. She was getting my meds ready for me and asked how i was doing. She started to tell me about what was going on with me. She let me know things that i can do to fix my life. I didn't for a moment think that she actually cared about me or my life. For me the best thing someone can do is just to make me laugh and not think about what was going on at that moment. For 2 days i had the best nurse in Austin. She was everything that i could have ever asked in a nurse. I now have a bigger respect for nurses. They aren't just there to poke you or to ask if you have pooped.