to whom it may concern

to tell you how i work. i am one of those people who make up my mind very quickly. i don't like to sit on life's questions for to long. i like to make my mind up in the moment. that way i go with what i feel. and with that said it has really hurt me in life. but then there are times when I'm glad that i did it. i am glad i went with my instinct and not what i thought about later in the day. i am telling you this because a week ago i went and tried to discover who i am. and i know i know. some of you might say that it takes more then a week to figure that out. but who are you to say that. who am i to think that. honestly i had no idea what i was thinking while i was on this journey. i thought to myself that something was missing. something was not there in my life. i thought that i needed something else to be happy. in a way i had this huge hole in my heart that needed to be filled. i have filled every other part of my heart with what my heart needed. but for some reason i thought that i needed more.

for most of my life i have been told how to live my life by who i thought were just people trying to run my life. i thought that i was being held back. when i was a teenager i was very envious of the people that went and partied all the time. i looked forward to the third Saturday of every month cause that i when we had our stake dance. i thought how lame is that that is what i looked forward to. why couldn't i go and do what everyone else did. why couldn't i be like them. i mean i thought that i was pretty cool. some who knew might think that i was a huge dork but you know i tried to be that person that i was supposed to be. i didn't know anything else. i just knew that it was bad not to do certain things. so years have pasted since i was in high school. and i sit here and i thought the same things. i looked at my friends and i saw how they were living there lives and thought why couldn't that be me. and it wasn't the worldly things that i was watching it was the other things. i wanted more. i wanted to stand out and be something or someone that made a difference.

i knew my life wasn't what it was supposed to be. it wasn't what i wanted for myself right now. i thought that maybe if i tried other things i would be able to find what it was i was looking for. and you know what, i found something that i haven't seen in a long time. i have been searching for this for long. i have been looking for this thing for most of my life. and you know what i found it. it only took me a week to find it. i found who i was and what i wanted for my life. and for my family. i went to seek advice from various people of different faiths. and what sucks is that the answers that i was looking for came from the person that i go and seek all of my advice from. now you see i haven't had an actual conversation with my father since maybe i was a teenager. there's the occasional hi and how are you. we did that for years. but now i have no idea where he is. so from the time i was maybe 15 i have talked to this man and have gone to seek advice from him. and you know what i should have gone there first.

on Tuesday i stepped into his office. and we had that usual how are you, how is life, whats new, you know the same questions that you ask "adults" (I'm still a kid in my eyes). and then we started to talk. and the feeling that i felt at that time was unlike anything i have felt in years. at that time in that moment i felt like i was talking to i guess a father figure. i was talking with someone who i knew loved me for me. not for what i have become. and then i got the advice that i have been looking for. there i found who i am. and what I'm going to become. i sat there and felt like there was hope for someone like me. and that there was nothing stopping me. so with that said i know who i am. i know what im supposed to do. he showed me that everything that i ever wanted was right in front of me. that i can't do this alone. that i had what i needed in life. he showed me how to be happy. and now that doesn't happen to often. he later talked with Malinda and I and talked to a bit about our future. i was comforted by his words. by his advice and by his love.

now if you have been reading this blog for the past week then you know that i have been searching for a new religion. i have read your comments and have taking them to heart. something that i was told by an old leader of mine was maybe i should look at what i have been a part of. i was told to be the bigger person. and that i should take a time out for a bit. and with all of the advice that i was given i have come to a conclusion.

first off i know who i am. i know where i come from and where i am going. i do know with all of my heart that the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints is the only true church on earth today. and there is nothing any one can do or say to change that. i will for the rest of my life believe that. i will forever know that a boy by the name of Joseph Smith did see god and his son and restored the greatest book on earth. i know that the book of Mormon is sent from god and was given to us by revelation through Joesph Smith. i know we are blessed to have a prophet on this earth today. and that those men in Utah tell us what to do because they know us. they know what we are going through. i tell you my friends (the world) that all of this is true. that my blog, my letter to the world is this. is this last paragraph. if there is nothing else that you have gotten out of reading this whole blog is this one thing. that i am Mormon. i will forever be Mormon. this is who i am. this is who i want to become. this is me. all of my life i did this for me. i wasn't forced to be this. i chose to be this. i want to be this. i want to raise my family in this church. i want to be married to Malinda for all time and eternity. and it is only by the Mormon church that we can make this possible. oh i wish i could tell you how i really feel right now. thanks to for all the advice that i was given. but more importantly thank you brother wright for being the person that i can always count on for anything that i need. for being that example that i have always looked to. i am who i am now because of you. i know you don't read this but i know that you can feel the love that i have for you.