the places i have come to fear the most

ok so the year has started out not the way that i wanted it to. well i guess in a way it did with certain aspects of my life. i have an amazing girlfriend who i have come to love more and more everyday that i see her. she honestly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. even though sometimes i can be a jerk and have to have things my way she still tries to do everything in her power to make me happy. and i love that about her. you know my friends relationships can be really hard. i once heard a quote from one of our modern day poets " a mans greatness is determined by the obstacles he is faced with in life" -Curtis (aka 50 cent) Jackson. and you know this has been on my mind for the past couple of months. i don't know how this is going to pertain to my relationship with Malinda. but if i can make it where a relationships greatness is determined by the stupid and idiotic things that the guy does. then i think that we can make it and become something more then we have ever dreamed of. i don't know exactly how or when we will determine if we have overcome any of our obstacles we have been faced with. i mean when can you really determine if a relationship is successfully. i mean just because you have been together for years upon years does that make you a success?? i dont know. if any of my readers are "wise" in the ways of relationships then do tell. please oh please tell. but until then we will be happy and become what we are i guess destined to become. i cant wait to see what life has for us.


so another thing that has been on my mind is something that is common to you. something that i have been talking to you (world) for about a year now. and you know what i think that i am at the end of my rope with this one. i really dont want to be. but i feel like i cant be civil without this feeling like i am doing to much. ughh what else do i have to do to show this person that they play a role in my life. one that can be very important to me. but i guess that isnt going to happen. there was a time in my life where i.... i guess wanted this person to play a certain part. but now it cant be. and how grateful i am for that. no offense to what this is. but you know what i mean. it sucks that in life you cant write the part that you want your roles to play. you know you have the role of the bff and the one who shows you parts about yourself that you have forgotten. parts that were lost but they found them and brought it back to you. i have had a lot of that type of characters in my life. and oh how i wish things were different with my life. well not really i mean like i said earlier i have a great girlfriend. i have really really amazing friends but still there something missing in my life. but you know its ok. its ok to not have everything that you want in life. i have come to learn that. because even though you are some where that is unfamiliar to you. when you are some where that you fear more then anything in life. that my friends is where you find that one thing that will save your life. that is when you will find the light that will bring you happiness. that is why i am happy. even though i am some where that i dont want to be in life i am happy. i have the best thing that a man could ever want. i have you.