what to do next

well the past couple of months have been very interesting. Ive seen a lot of things that i didn't think would really happen. or even go my way. but Ive learned that i just need to sit back and take in the ride that I'm going through.
Ive thought about my life a lot lately and where i am in it now and whether or not its where i really want to be. i have had the privilege to watch a friend of mine kinda go through the same thing that i have gone through. it brought me back to some of my first culinary experiences. whats funny is i have another friend who asked me how i got started with cooking. oh how i miss the days of learning about how to cook. you know some people when they talk about their first. you know their first kiss, the first love the first well you know it just keeps going on and on. but i remember other things my other first. like the first time that i tasted what a black truffle tasted like of foie gras, veil, scallops well i bet you get the picture. but for me those are my first. well the ones that count right now in my life. i still have the first kiss, the first love. but for me right now its not really about that. its about what is the next thing that is going to make my pallet just go crazy. what is going to make it jump for joy. make it jump up and scream yessss that is what I'm talking about.
Ive watched other people who are living the dream that i want to live. who have families and they live the chef''s life. oh how i wish i could live that dream. just to come home from long day in the kitchen and have a family to come home to. i mean don't get me wrong i love coming home to my roommates. but its not the same. i want more then what i have now. i want to live that life that i have always wanted. i have a friend who's family has a bakery and in a way they are living that dream. i try and learn what i can so that in the future i know what i want and how to run things. but now its really difficult trying to get there. i just wish i could press the fast forward button and get to where i want to be.ughhh.
oh well, i know that there is a reason why i am where i am right now. and i know that i will soon find that person for me that will make me happy and will help me get there. its just getting to that point to where she will be able to find me. i just hope that there is someone out there who wants to live the same dream that i want to live. but until then i have to keep doing what i need to do. and just stay happy and keep that smile that i have. i know that i still have a lot to learn about me and what i am able to accomplish in my short life. i know there are so many things that i want to do but its really hard to find the motivation to do things. ughh only time will tell on what is next for me. i just hope that its soon and sweet