well here it is.

so this past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. i have loved another more then i love life its self. and i have put my all in something and watched it crash and burn. but i sit here and think to myself how i wouldn't have wanted it to be any different. that what has happened was for the best. that no matter what i go through in life that i can get threw it and walk toward the light and the end of the tunnel. and that its going to be ok. but you know it still hurts more then anything. no matter what people tell you. when you sit there and you feel alone its the hardest thing to go through. i have learned that. but i know that it is something that i need to go through. something that i guess will make me stronger. i don't know. all i know is that losing that one person the one person who you thought you would spend the rest of your life with is freaking hard. but i keep telling myself that this is for the best this is what i need to go through. this is what i need for me. but at the same time its hard to keep reality in check. you start losing your mind in a way. you start to put things in front of what needs to be done. ugh!!!!! it just sucks. i know i will get through this. but when does the pain start to go away. when do i feel like I'm going to be ok. i just cant wait for the time when i can look at myself and say Jason its ok. your better off. your going to be ok. someone will love you for you. and will treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. well that's what I'm hoping for. all i can do now is look toward the future and see what life has in store for me. i just hope that my heart is taken care of. and that i will find someone that i can give my heart to again. i don't know if it will happen though. but a boy can wish. cant he???