what to do next.

so tonight was a very interesting night for me. i think with every night i learn more and more about myself. i learn that with friendships i tend to take them in so many different ways. like i keep my close friends really close to me. kinda near and dear to my heart. i enjoy them so much and i find it kinda hard when they have to leave the city. and th

en i have the ones where all i want is for them to find that happiness that they have been missing. its like when you meet someone for the first time and you see so much potential in what they are able to do. you see them for who they are and what they have accomplished on this earth with the time that they have been given. and the more and more that you get to know them the more you stand at awe that they are sitting there with you. all you can do is smile and thank the lord for the friendship that he has brought you. but the ones that my heart does go out to are the ones that find themselves in situations where they are not treated the way that they should be. and you kinda have to sit there and keep quite. even though you know that you can do better.and it breaks your heart knowing that they are hurting. all you want to do is hold them and tell them that it is going to be ok. ughh it sucks when you go out with a girl for the first time and you see all those great qualities about her. and you hear her laugh and see that smile that can light up a room. it makes you think that maybe there is someone out there for everyone. and i hope that one day i find this girl where ever she might be. you kinda have that high for awhile and you keep looking at her wishing that she can't see that fear that is in you. the fear that makes you feel nervous, weak in the knees, you start to say things that you really shouldn't but you know you want to just so that she would smile.its hard to have these types of feelings and not to be able to do anything about it. i have people ask what to do in these types of situations and all i can say is that there is nothing that you can really do. you pretty much have to wait for the girl to make up her mind. just make sure that you give her any type of ultimatums. i hear that some girls don't like that.:) but at the same time just make sure that no matter what. the one thing that you truly want for her at the end of the day is that she knows that you have her support in what ever she does. and that as her friend you will always be there for her. no matter what. i just hope that she reads this for the sake of you and hers. just find what makes you happy in life. that is what i think we do as a world, you should never deny your heard to happiness.espeically when you are making anothers heart happier then yours. the feeling is great when you make someones day

some times its not meant to be for some people.

So I've taken a long time and have done a lot of thinking these past couple of months about my life. and about what i want to do with my life and certain aspects of my life that i need to work on. its been really hard lately. i have a friend that i have so much in common with and I'm trying really hard to keep my feelings to myself. and not really give my heart out to this person. its been really hard watching this person from a far and thinking how much you know them. and how much you know what they want. its hard cause you know that you can make them so much happier but at the same time the timing just isn't right. and its really hard going through out the day and having that person always in my mind and you try and try to get them out. but it just doesn't work. dang it!!!! but at the same time its wonderful to have that person there in my head. :)

i always try to be that person that i need to be for that other person. i once heard that instead of making a list of what you want. you should be that person for the one who's looking for you. and i try really hard to do that. but sometimes its just not enough. sometimes you work so hard to be something/someone that you kinda lose focus on what your end goal will be. so i have tried to be that someone for that someone and i think to myself why cant i have what i want. am i just not trying hard enough or am i just not right for this person. as i go day in and day out i think why is life so hard some times. why are people put in my life that i have so much in common with and then just like that i realize that its just not going to work. she's taken. ughh life is so hard. its filled with ups and downs and it twist you in so many directions that your left with your head spinning in a thousand different ways.

i wish i could just tell this person how i really feel. it would make my life so much easier. just so that this person has a understanding on how i feel. how I'm very motivated. i work hard for what i have. i like to be the man in the relationship and i don't want her to wear the pants in it.(not cool) and how i would rather spend the night making dinner for her. rather then hanging out with my other friends. and how i think that I'm pretty nice and sweet and will do everything in my power to make her happy and feel like she is given the world every day. and that i will always make her smile and laugh. even after we fight and have a huge argument. i will tell her that i love her. those are always the great times in a relationship cause you get to make up afterwords. and how i need someone to be a mother to my children and a wonderful wife to me. this is what i would be to this person. who ever she may be. i don't know if i know this person now. but i do hope that one day i will be able to give this person my heart and everything that i have to give to one person. one day i will find what i am looking for. but i do hope that she finds me sooner then i find her. girls are so much smarter and they'll tell you if you should date them. but until then i will keep being me. and will do what i can as a friend. and tell you that im happy for you. and i will still make you smile miss lady. i always will.:)

Ok so recently i have had a couple of sappy blog post. i know i know. i don't know what i was thinking. i just had a lot of things on my mind and i needed to get it off my chest. so now i just wanted to write something that i guess is uplifting. so this past weekend i had the opportunity to get some personal inspiration and some spiritual guidance. and i must say it was awesome. i try and try to do my best everyday and be the best at what i do. i know that i have so much to learn and that day by day i am learning so much about what i am capable of doing. and now i look at what i have accomplished and i know that i can do so much more. not just in my personal life but in my day to day activities. there is so much that i need to learn about life and that i am still learning. i try and keep goals that i would like to accomplish. but then i get slapped down and put in my place. that is when i realize that my goals are just suggestions to what i want to do. that ultimately it is not up to me. it wasn't until i figured that out that i realized that i have the opportunity to be what ever want and reach the goals that i think i can accomplish. and will accomplish. i just need to apply myself in ways that i have never done. and then that is when i think that i can reach my true potential. so until the day that i find out what my true potential is i will try my hardest to be what it is i need to be. and i will help others reach the goals that they have set for themselves.

a new world

so lately i have had a new look on life. i have been through so much and have done so much that it is really hard to stay focus on what i want to achieve in life. i have seen things that i cannot explain nor do i want to. but over and over again i tend to notice that when you have true friends that want to see you happy they always come through for you when you need it the most. its funny when you put people through so many adversities and you watch them come out of it a new person. i have seen this with my own life. with me, family and friends. to watch someone at their lowest point and then they realize that what they went through was for the best. i think that is what life is about sometimes. to see how many times we get back up. even when we are knocked down for the hundredth time. get back up. put your fist up and go another 5 rounds.

so now as i think about what i want to do with my life i think back to all the hardships that i had to go through to get to the point that I'm at right now. and how sweet its going to be when i find what it is I'm looking for. first i think that i need to decide what it is I'm looking for. that has to be one of the hardest parts of my life right now. i try and try to figure out what i want in my life. i think that i will soon find that out. but till then i think i will just enjoy what i have. what i have now is still pretty sweet. but i know that it can get better. and when it does i know i will find what true happiness is. i cant wait. so to the world i say to you get knocked out. fall fall fall. and when you feel like you will never get back up. get up and get ready cause you have 5 more rounds in you. good luck!!

inner thoughts

Ive had my mind on a lot lately. its kinda crazy. and i don't really know what to do about it all. so of course i go to the place where i know i can go to vent and maybe find a piece of what I'm looking for in life. the long lost piece that will complete this part of my life. i guess i have had the thought of what to do next. what will be the next big step that i know i should take now that I'm getting up there in age. but its also the hardest step to take. i tried once and that didn't really come out the way that i wanted. so here i am thinking about what to do next and if i should talk to this person about what I'm feeling and the thought process that I'm going through. even though i hope she knows what I'm thinking. well i hope she does. i think Ive been clear with her about what I'm thinking, you know the flirting and of course the hey i think that your pretty sweet. haha oh man. i know that this is going to get me in trouble but oh well, life is hard sometimes. and we have to do things in life that we don't really want to do. life is tough just suck it up. i just need to take it kinda slowly. hurry up and make me move tell her that she's pretty and be a perfect gentleman. and then fall around in a fairy tale. cause you never know what someone is going to mean to you in the long run. and life can be so sweet when you do what you feel is right.

haha thanks for listening to me tell myself to do something about it. well if you have any advice I'm all ears. if not well..... i guess save me a seat. cause its a table for two tonight. haha

A chef's perspective

So in life sometimes you feel like your born to do things. kinda like heating and air condition. and sometimes in life you think you are born to do certain things. there is a big difference in those two thoughts. one is right. and the other one well. just go back to school and think about this again. 

i have recently talked with different people about what they want to do when they "grow up" and i have realized that most people have no idea what they are doing in life. some tell me that they do what they do cause it pays well. or they have the answer "well my dad does it so why not" haha yeah and if your dad jumped off a bridge would you do that to. geeze!! those are the people that find themselves always searching for that next project. in a way the next big score. 

then you run into the ones that well.... know what they are meant to do in life. they are the ones that you can ask questions to and they can answer honestly. the ones that have the passion to do what ever they know they can do. what ever that may be. those are the ones that i want next to me. those are the ones that know what they want in life. they are the ones that love what they do and do what they love. even if some people talk down to them and make them feel like they are stupid :) its funny when you meet some people and have no idea what kind of impact they have on you. even when they have no idea that they are doing this to you. i take my hat off to them and say well done my friend. I'm very impressed. they are the ones that will make an impact on the art that they do. even if it is as simple as a plate of food. cause that is what we do. we make things that will bring a smile to your face. we do this for the reaction of "wow that looks so good". that is what we do. that is who we are. we live for those moments. and for some they may never understand that you cant learn how to make those moments at some school that you pay way to much for. it is  something that well.... is god given. your either born with it or without it. i my friend am born with it. are you????

relationships

Lately ive noticed a lot of things happening around me. its been really interesting to watch how a lot of things happen in your mind when you see them going a different way. i have had a lot of friends have wonderful things happen to them in their personal life that i just want to jump up and give them a high five and say to the world that im so proud of my friends. and then at the same time i have seen a lot of heartache. relationships that have gone wrong. engagements that didn't work out. friendships that couldn't go the way that you might have hoped they would. and my heart goes out to them. i know what your going through. 

i wonder what would happen if things always went the way that we wanted them to go. like  when we sat there and wished for that one moment to be ours and that we wait for that one person to take us away from it all. what would life be like if everything went our way. would we still be the people we are today. for me i know that i wouldn't. i wouldn't be the strong motivative person that i am today. i used to sit there in my room and think why things would happen to me. why sometimes when i would take 3 steps forward i would get knocked back 5 steps. ughh why did this always happen. and now i know why things happened to me. and i am forever grateful for what i have been through. i can look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what i see. and i know that no matter what happens i know that i can pull through it. that i need just to have faith that no matter what things will always get better. cause when you are feeling your worst and that nothing can make things better. is when you need to realize that hey its only going to get better. and it will. we just need to be patient. i know that sometimes the road can be long and hard. and that sometimes you just dont want to play the game anymore and you just want to give up. but when you get pass that feeling. oh man things just get better. the laughter becomes louder the smile is brighter and the love is even better. so to those who are in need of a pick me up. know that things will get better. things will start going your way and that life is so sweet sometimes that you know that a little piece of heaven just opened. and for those who have found happiness. my hat goes off to you. well done my friend may your life be full of those special moments that take your breath away. and cherish what you have and never take it for granted. life just doesn't get better when you are truly happy.