some times its not meant to be for some people.

So I've taken a long time and have done a lot of thinking these past couple of months about my life. and about what i want to do with my life and certain aspects of my life that i need to work on. its been really hard lately. i have a friend that i have so much in common with and I'm trying really hard to keep my feelings to myself. and not really give my heart out to this person. its been really hard watching this person from a far and thinking how much you know them. and how much you know what they want. its hard cause you know that you can make them so much happier but at the same time the timing just isn't right. and its really hard going through out the day and having that person always in my mind and you try and try to get them out. but it just doesn't work. dang it!!!! but at the same time its wonderful to have that person there in my head. :)

i always try to be that person that i need to be for that other person. i once heard that instead of making a list of what you want. you should be that person for the one who's looking for you. and i try really hard to do that. but sometimes its just not enough. sometimes you work so hard to be something/someone that you kinda lose focus on what your end goal will be. so i have tried to be that someone for that someone and i think to myself why cant i have what i want. am i just not trying hard enough or am i just not right for this person. as i go day in and day out i think why is life so hard some times. why are people put in my life that i have so much in common with and then just like that i realize that its just not going to work. she's taken. ughh life is so hard. its filled with ups and downs and it twist you in so many directions that your left with your head spinning in a thousand different ways.

i wish i could just tell this person how i really feel. it would make my life so much easier. just so that this person has a understanding on how i feel. how I'm very motivated. i work hard for what i have. i like to be the man in the relationship and i don't want her to wear the pants in it.(not cool) and how i would rather spend the night making dinner for her. rather then hanging out with my other friends. and how i think that I'm pretty nice and sweet and will do everything in my power to make her happy and feel like she is given the world every day. and that i will always make her smile and laugh. even after we fight and have a huge argument. i will tell her that i love her. those are always the great times in a relationship cause you get to make up afterwords. and how i need someone to be a mother to my children and a wonderful wife to me. this is what i would be to this person. who ever she may be. i don't know if i know this person now. but i do hope that one day i will be able to give this person my heart and everything that i have to give to one person. one day i will find what i am looking for. but i do hope that she finds me sooner then i find her. girls are so much smarter and they'll tell you if you should date them. but until then i will keep being me. and will do what i can as a friend. and tell you that im happy for you. and i will still make you smile miss lady. i always will.:)