Are we still friends???

So things have been pretty crazy these past couple of months. I have done so much that I don’t even know where to start. I know that I have posted other blogs in the past weeks but I think this one is really what I have been thinking. So I have this friend that I really really enjoy spending time with. She has made me happy in ways that I haven’t felt in a very long time. And it’s a good thing that I have her in my life. I know that there are some of my friends that don’t believe this. But its true. I only wish that everyone could experience what I have right now. She is pretty much amazing. She is one of those people who is always judged for things that happened in the past. Its funny that we’re mormon and we teach that we shouldn’t judge others for what they have done. But here we are judging. Its kinda sad honestly to see this happen so much. I try my hardest not to judge others and I feel that I do a pretty good job at it. But to watch her go everyday being judged by others who don’t even know her really breaks my heart. But I guess there is nothing that I can really do. All I can do is do what I have been doing. That is to be there for her to make her smile everyday. I don’t know where this relationship is going to go right now. But I do know that I love where it is right now.

So another thing that I wanted to kinda talk about here seeing this is where I go to vent. You know I love talking to the world. I don’t really understand some friendships. Like the ones where you think you are best friends with someone and that they are truly one of the best friendships that you have ever had and you would absolutely do anything for and come to find out that It was nothing like that. I have recently had this happen. But the thing is that I don’t really know what I did wrong. What is so bad with wanting to see one of your best friends. Just for the simple fact of spending time with someone that makes you happy. I know that this could get me in trouble but hey its ok. I’ve done worse. Another thing is what do you say when that person tells you that you are the highest maintenance friend that they have. Well I think that is what they said. I don’t really remember seeing that I was kinda pissed when I saw that. But seriously come on. That is the dumbest thing that I have heard in a very long time. For years I have been there for you when ever you needed me. I have dropped everything just so that I can be a true friend. Wow that’s really all I can say. I guess I’m not cool enough to be part of your cool club. But its ok . Maybe I don’t need to be a “cool kid”. and I hope you know who you are. You probably don’t even read this cause your too cool to spend time reading something as stupid as this. But oh well I’m still going to say what’s on my mind. It just really hurts because I thought the world of you. I would always tell anyone who asked that you were the most amazing person that I have ever met in my life. And you know what you still are pretty much up there. I wont ever doubt how amazing you can be. But life is taking us down two different paths. It really sucks that this is how I have to share my thoughts with you. But seeing that this is my letter to the world and you live in the world I thought it would be appropriate to do it here.

There is something else that I wanted to say here. Its an open apology to anyone that I have hurt in the past couple of weeks. With all that is going on in my life I have let something’s kinda slip and I have forgotten what I have promised. I don’t know where my life is going to go from here. I just know that I have a lot to work on. Its hard when you see yourself start to fail at things that you should be strong with. But you just let things happen. You tell yourself that its ok. That no matter what you can get through this. But this time I couldn’t. I cant do this alone. I keep putting myself into a hole that I cant get out of. I feel that I am stuck . I am stuck with what I have and that its going to be hard getting out of this. My personal life is in a way falling apart trying to be happy. I see in myself someone that I haven’t seen in a long time. The guy from my past. The guy that I had to let go of it I wanted to live the life that I want to live. And I don’t know how to get rid of him. He is making me do things that I know I shouldn’t. he is a procrastinating little punk that doesn’t get anything done. And you would think that with how my life is going with some aspects of it I would be happy. But I’m not. I need something else. I need to find out what makes me happy. I know that she makes me happy, I know that what I believe in makes me happy. And I know that food makes me happy. But what is it that I’m missing. What is that missing link that I cant seem to find. I hope I find it soon. Or else I’m totally screwed.

One last thing that I think you (the world) need to know. Is that I don’t ever talk about what I write here in person. That is why I put it on here If you think that I am talking about you. Well… more then likely I am. Sucks to be you.

Am I my brothers keeper

So lately I have had a lot on my mind. Mainly on the subject of why so many of us try and take a part in someone’s life. I am not someone who is innocent of this. I have had my fair share of butting in on others lives. But lately this has been on my mind. Why do we as friends feel like it is our place to be involved in lives that are not ours, for example. If you see someone who isn’t doing what you think is right why is It that we feel it is our place to tell them what we think. We often are so quick to judge others. I know I know we do not judge. I hear it all the time from friends. You know “ I don’t judge what your doing, its ok” Bs, you just judged right there. That right there is telling that you are judging. It was the first thing that came to your mind. That is why you said it. I can only say this because I have realized that I too judge. I am also guilty of this wrong doing. What really bugs me is when you are not doing things that are bad. You are in fact trying to better yourself and you still have those people who are quick to tell you that your still doing wrong things. Without any evidence of any wrong doing. So when it comes to things like this. I think that If you are going to have an opinion it is best that you talk to your so-called friend and ask him/her. When you assume things about some one you well……. You know the rest. I have seen a lot of things along these lines the past couple of months. Maybe its just me looking into other peoples lives. I try really hard not to get involved. I have a friend who is going through pretty much hell. And I cant help but to add my two cents on the situation. I wish I could do so much more for her. But I know that there is only so much I can do as a friend.

So im sure your thinking that there are sometimes in our friends lives that we do need to get involved. And that’s ok. But at the same time you cant help someone who doesn’t want the help. So what I have learned over the years is that you have to show them that what they are doing is hurting themselves. Make them see what it is that they are doing. In the end they will thank you for being there for them. Some times I wish that I had friends that did that for me when I was younger. But now there is nothing I can do about it. You never think about what your doing till its too late. And then when its all said and done you look at what you have done in the past and you try and be grateful for all the crap that you have done. And I can only speak for myself but I am glad that I have done what I have done. It has taught me so much about life. But now I look at my life and think wonder if I’d be different person if things turned out differently for me. I don’t know. I cant tell you that. I can only tell you what is going to happen now. And what I plan for my future. I have often thought about the idea of seeing the future. And you know what I don’t think that I would ever want to see what is planned for me. There is no fun in that. To me life is about the little moments that make your heart melt. The times in life where you do something just to say that you did it. And of course life is about doing that one thing for just a taste. A taste of something magical. I know that is how life is for me. I do it all for the taste. And you know what my fiends I am hungry for more.

Regret???

So things have been really interesting for me the past week. Well to be honest the past month. Has gone really well and really bad at the same time. And now its October and I'm sitting here in a unfamiliar place thinking about where I want my life to go. And how I want to live my life. I have done things that I am not proud of. And I have done things in my life that I didn’t thing think I would ever have the chance to do. But as I sit here I cant help but to think of where my life would have been. If only certain things would have happened. I guess it puts the thought in my head that I shouldn’t live my life with regrets. But I know that I will live my life with at least 2 regrets. And its hard because if I was to pick one of them I couldn’t have the other. So its one of those things that where I want my cake and to eat it to. But what if…. Lets say the first regret was to happen. I would be happy. I would be very happy. I would have my dreams come true and I would be living the life that I would have dreamed of. And now for my second regret. Now it would have been really hard to have this. But it would have made me… well happier then the first regret would have made me. I don’t know. I have shared with this regret things that I have never shared with anyone else. This regret has also showed me a part of me that I forgot was there. And for that I am forever grateful. Now if I had it my way I would at least have one of those. But life has another purpose for us. It makes me think of the Garth Brooks song “unanswered prayers” now this isn’t the first time that I have compared my life to a song. I guess I live my life as a song. I keep my emotions on my face. A friend once told me that I shouldn’t always be stressed. That you can see it in my face. I don’t really know how to take that. But coming from here it has made me really think hard about that. Ok so back to the song. I know that it is a good thing that I had to lose the regrets. One day I will see what that reason is. But for now I will just go forward with faith and pray that this is the right thing for me at this time. I think that you can tell a lot about a person by their regrets. And I know that there are some out there that have no regrets. Oh I wish I could be one of them. But I know that for the rest of my life I will always have 2.

Now don’t get me wrong. This hasn’t taken me away from what my long term goal is. I know that I still have a long way to go to where I can get to the point where I can be who I want to be. And really live my life in a way that I would feel happy about. I look at my friends and what they have accomplished and I look at mine as well. I guess I have focused my life on something that I probably shouldn’t have. I know that sounds like I’m putting to much pressure on myself. And that’s ok. I would rather put the world on my shoulder then to have someone go through what I have I think that is why I always want to take care of others and do what I can to make them happy. I know that I have a lot to give and to offer. And that I have a voice that needs to be heard. I need to share what I have done with the world. I need to learn to live my life with no regrets. To live a life where I am truly happy. I don’t know where or how im going to do this. How does one find happiness in something that they have created. In a place where I’m not who I want to be. May be that’s it. Maybe I need to find out where I want to be. Not just in a physical way but with every aspect of my life. Maybe the key to happiness isn’t what the world can give you. Maybe its something that you have to find within yourself. Maybe that’s how you live your life

My dear friend Don Walser

So I know when ever I post on here I always tend to put something that some would say is depressing or some where along those lines. But today I want to pay tribute to someone that I hold near and dear to my heart. A fallen friend. Its been over three years since I have heard the great Don Walser sing. I know some of you who know him or of him are thinking but Jason he didn’t perform for a good while before he died. But to the few that were there that day to hear that great man sing one more time with his friend Slaid know this day very well.

So to tell you a bit about my friend Don. He was a large man. In so many different ways. When you spoke to him he would look at you like you have been a friend for years. There were many times when I would just sit and talk with him for hours and hours. He would tell me story after story. I just loved to ask him questions. It was hard sometimes because in his last couple of months it was harder for him to answer them. But I still sat there and talked with him. We would talk about so many things. Most of the time it was me asking him about what he loved about being a singer. What it was like and so forth. I enjoyed every moment that I had with my friend.. I still to this day think back to the times that I had with my friend.

I have always remembered the first time that I heard Don sing live. I was at a youth conference in Kyle Texas. And for the dance that they were having Dan was going to sing for them. I was so excited. I have always heard that if you were in Austin Texas and you wanted to see a really good country show Dons was the one to see. And here I was about to watch him for free. I sat there and I listen to that man belt out his great music. Music that the rest of mainstream America has forgotten. Songs like “ Rolling Stone from Texas”, "Big Balls in Cowtown”. it was such an honor to be there listening to this man sing these songs. It was awesome to be there.. Now the only way that I can hear my friend is on my ipod. I wish that I can go back to the time when he was singing with his friend.

One of my last memories that I have of Don is one that I will never forget. I was with some of my friends and I was going to go and sing some hymns him. Now I'm no singer. I suck so for me to go and sing for a man like that scared the freak out of me. So I brought some of my friends with me. We sat there and sung for him.We sang "O my Father". While we were singing we could hear a faint voice singing along. We were singing with the great Don Walser. I sat with him and we would read scriptures for a couple of hours a night. I loved those nights. I have heard before that you come to learn who a man is when he is dying. Well my friends Don wanted to hear the words of the gospel. I learned so much about my friend from those nights. But I learned more about how much the gospel really means to me.

Oh how time goes by when your living your life. How you sometimes forget friends that have crossed your way. But one thing is for sure I haven't forgotten who Don was. Its been three years since his passing and i can still remember that day like it was yesterday. My mom told me that Don had passed away. I just sat there and said a little prayer. At his funeral i tried really hard not to show how much i missed my friend. But as i sat there with his family i couldn't help but to let some tears run down my face. It was hard saying bye to a dear friend.

About a year ago i went to one of slaid cleaves shows in Austin. I sat there and listened to him sing the songs that we all love. And then without any noticed he started talking about our dear friend. The words that was said were ones that i will never forget. He sang a song that he wrote about don. And like so many in the crowd we sat there with tears in our eyes as one man told his story the only way that it can be said. I know that Don was in cowboy heaven smiling down on us when that song was playing. When he was done singing i looked over at a man standing next to me. I asked if he knew Don. He said no. But he loved his music. I then knew that Don wasn't just an average singer. He was more then that. He was someone that we all knew as a friend. So for all my other friends who know of this great man. Know this. His music still goes on. We still love it. I know i do. Thanks Don for everything. You my friend are truly missed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHJQt-nqCAo ok so i couldn't figure out how to get video up. But this is the link to watch Slaid sing his tribute to Don. Enjoy

out with the old in with the new???? i think

ok so here we go again.... i think? so things are going pretty well. i just had an amazing week. things i dont think could have gone better. but thats for another post that one day i hope that i can share with the world. or at least the 2 people that actually read my blog. ( me and my mom) so i have been put into what i would consider one of the biggest pickles that i think i have ever been in. and i dont know what to do. as i go through life i know what i will say bye to some of my dearest friends. and some of them i know that i can do without. but then there are some that i cant honestly do with out at this point in my life. and its ok. well mainly i know there is a role that they can play later on in my life. i just hope that i can keep that contact in my life. and not let them ride off into the sunset without knowing what they meant to me. but then there are the ones that i need in my life. the ones that i know will play that important role. the most important one i guess. not really the one that you might think when reading this. i think that i can learn more from a mistake then from something/someone that makes me happy. i know that i still have so much to learn about life. and i know that in life you have to make mistakes. you have to make that bad decision. how are we going to learn if we are always doing the right thing. maybe its something that i got wrong. but i have had a lot of different types of people throughout my life time. and there are some that i wish i never would have known. then there are the ones that i knew i shouldnt have in my life but i still kept them there. and then there are the ones that everyone tells me that i shouldnt be friends with. the ones that i know serve a certain purpose in my life. and i only i know why they are there. and i for one am glad that they are there. its funny how you can care so much for someone no matter what they put you through. you can still look them in the eye and be grateful for what they have done for you. for being that person that made you happy when you were having a bad day. to be there for you when you just had the best day ever and they were the only person that you wanted to tell. and then they did something that you never thought you would ever be able or capable of doing. they show you how to care for someone like you have never done before. they show you a different part of your heart that you never thought was there. and it hurts when you come to the terms that it will never happen. that what could have been is something that you will never know. it makes you think of how you look at life. its made me really think if im doing the right things sometimes. if i have made the right choice in doing what i do best. they always seemed to bring out the best in you. and all you want is to feel what you had that one time. but now we are where we are with everything. life has brought us here and things are different between us. its something that i have come to realize.

so now i sit here and think about where my life is going. where i need to be now. what kind of opportunities i cant let pass. i know that what is a head of me is something great. i feel that i have a mark that i need to make in the world some how. and when i figure that out i know i will be happy. but until then i will keep doing what i do. the nice guy in me will still be there. and i will do everything in my power to make the people in my life that much happier. for it is the people that are in my life that i want to make happy. i just hope that i dont take to long making that happen for some of them.

short and sweet.

Okso this is going to be really short. well i hope. so from what i can tell in life. with the experiences that i have had. i have realized that there is probably like about 30% of girls that are actually really cool and sweet. the other 70% have no idea what they want in life. they pass up great opportunities and people for something that is not even worth it. i some times wonder if its even worth the time for me to keep friendships and relationships. i cant take it anymore. I'm so frustrated. why cant the awesome, adorable, amazing guy ever get the girl. maybe your just not worth my time anymore. I'm done with you. besides i love food more then i like you. take that!!!



P.S. the views that are expressed in this blog do not involve the great girl friends that i have. for they are freaking amazing. they know who they are. if you have to ask then this is for you. :)

He-Man Woman Hater.

Ok im getting sick of this. Im getting sick of getting screwed over by so many people. and mainly girls. YES GIRLS!!!!! so far in my life i have been given the opportunity to have so many girls that i can call some of my best friends. but as of lately there have been few that i can put in that category. well more like one that is pretty much the best friend a guy can ask for. even thought some psycho girl thinks im a creeper. ( come on you dont even know me ughh) but what ever thats another story. so here is what i have come up with the experiences that i have encountered in the past couple of months. and ladies if im wrong please correct me. because so far the girls that i am getting my examples from arent helping your cause.

ok so one of the things that i have noticed is that no matter how nice a guy can be. like he can be the nicest guy that you have ever met. he will never be what you want to date. he's like a lamp. just there when you need him. you turn the lamp on just when you need the light that it gives. so therefore that guy is a lamp. you dont want to date him. you just in a way want to use him for one purpose. to make things easier for you. so he's a lamp. another is that you wont date the guy because your to heart broken to date. that you feel that you have no one in this world to make you happy. and when the perfect guy comes in the picture and he tells you that you are the most beautiful girl in the world and that he would give up everything that he owns just to have a chance at making you happy. just one chance to prove to you that true love exist. to show you that no matter what life throws at you he will be there to protect you from all the things that are wrong.

ok so what does a guy have to do to be happy. when did doing everything right and showing different people that you are willing to be what ever it is not good enough for them. when did being that " perfect guy" not what girls want. or is it that now a days girls like guys to treat them like crap. that girls always want a bad ass. or something like that. its a bunch of crap that no matter what the "good guy" does he will always be out shined but that stupid guy who doesnt care about you. who wont do what ever it takes to make you happy. even if its to leave a state just so that he can bring a smile to your face. just to see that beautiful smile on your face just because he walked back into your life.

i dont know much about life. or much about what to do about it. i only know a couple of things. and one of the things that i do know is what is in my heart. i know that there is no one that is to good for me. i know that i want to care about someone and have them return the favor. i know that one day being the " nice guy" will get me some where. i dont know where it will get me but i know that one day i'll be able to look at someone and tell them that i love them and they will say it back to me. i also know that not all girls are like this. i know that there are the ones that deserve the world. they deserve some one to love them more then they have never dreamed they could be loved like that. and that even though they are the perfect girl, the perfect friend and the perfect pretty much everything. i know that they will find someone who is worthy of them. because my friends, this girl. this perfect girl is what we all want in a wife. not because of her looks but because of her heart. is worth more then what we as men can dream of. she really is that amazing. :)

now i must say that guys arent perfect. or even close to that. i'll be the first to say. guys are stupid. we do things that dont make any sense. we do things that we know are stupid but do them anyways. so guys dont make it easy on the ladies to hate us. dont make it to where they have the excuse to not want anything to do with us. just remember to take it slowly. but at the same time hurry up and make your move, dont be afraid to tell her that she's pretty.and most importantly be a perfect gentleman. one day all of this will pay off. i dont know when it will. i dont know if it will for me. i just know that i will keep doing what i do best and keep making everyone happy. even thought it hurts more then any pain out there. i will keep doing what i do best. because that is who i am.