some people are just not meant for you

so sometimes in life you meet people. and some of them are those that you wish could play a major part in your life's play. and then there are those that you meet and just fall for and then they just end up being like everyone else. they are there just for their own amusement. i have come to realize this in my own life. i have a friend that i only hear from when they want something from me. and it really hurts because i once considered them one of my best friends and now i don't know what we are. i have asked this person that if they need something then I'm going to need more of a friendship from them. and not talk to them only when they need something..... i have yet to hang out with this person. therefore i can no longer help this person anymore. i wish that things could have ended up differently for us. but now i don't what will happen to us.

another thing that is going on with my life is that i have this friend. she is wonderful and pretty much everything that i have ever wanted in a girl. she is smart, funny, gorgeous and easy to talk to, she makes me very happy ever time that i see her. but there is one problem... i cant have her. well here is the thing. in a way i already have her. i mean honestly i have fallen hardcore with her. oh and im only telling you this because i trust you. i write to you ( the world) as much as i can and i feel that we have been through so much together. and that sometimes i need to tell you good things that are going well for me. or kinda going well. ok so back to the story. so she is pretty amazing. I'm reminded of past relationships when I'm with her. and i know that you read this and in no way am i trying to tell you that what we had was nothing compared to what i have now. but this.. this right here is something special. she is someone that i have found myself talking to late at night and telling her everything that i want to do with my life. and how she can play that role in my life that i want her to play. i wish i can sit here and tell you that this is a story that ends with a happy ending but i cant. well mainly because the story isn't over yet. there is still so much to be written for us. there is so much that hasn't been told. no matter how many times that i have to bear my soul to you and tell you how perfect we are together i know that there is still so much that we need to work on. there are still things that i need to tell you about me. and so much that i need you to tell me about you.

so as i sit here and write this knowing that our future is uncertain and that only time will tell what is going to happen with us. I'll try to sleep, to keep you in my dreams til I can bring you home with me I'll try to sleep And when I do I'll keep you in my... dreams. its funny how my feelings can be summed up by a simple blue october song. but its so true. I'm still here with my hands raised as if to show you that I was yours That I was so yours for the taking I'm so yours for the taking That's when I felt the wind pick up I grabbed the rail while choking up These words to say and then you kissed me i hope that one day i do get to take you home. i do get to live that life that we both deserve. in the end is just us that really matters. no one else does. just you and me.

"18th Floor Balcony"

I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?

My breath is on your hair
I'm unaware
That you opened the blinds and let the city in
God, you held my hand
And we stand
Just taking in everything.

And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony.
We're both flying away.

So we talked about mom's and dad's
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me

And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...

I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
We're both flying away.

And I'll try to sleep
To keep you in my dreams
'til I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
And when I do I'll keep you in my... dreams

I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony, yeah

I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
No, we're not going to sleep

Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony... we're both..
Flying away