Regret???

So things have been really interesting for me the past week. Well to be honest the past month. Has gone really well and really bad at the same time. And now its October and I'm sitting here in a unfamiliar place thinking about where I want my life to go. And how I want to live my life. I have done things that I am not proud of. And I have done things in my life that I didn’t thing think I would ever have the chance to do. But as I sit here I cant help but to think of where my life would have been. If only certain things would have happened. I guess it puts the thought in my head that I shouldn’t live my life with regrets. But I know that I will live my life with at least 2 regrets. And its hard because if I was to pick one of them I couldn’t have the other. So its one of those things that where I want my cake and to eat it to. But what if…. Lets say the first regret was to happen. I would be happy. I would be very happy. I would have my dreams come true and I would be living the life that I would have dreamed of. And now for my second regret. Now it would have been really hard to have this. But it would have made me… well happier then the first regret would have made me. I don’t know. I have shared with this regret things that I have never shared with anyone else. This regret has also showed me a part of me that I forgot was there. And for that I am forever grateful. Now if I had it my way I would at least have one of those. But life has another purpose for us. It makes me think of the Garth Brooks song “unanswered prayers” now this isn’t the first time that I have compared my life to a song. I guess I live my life as a song. I keep my emotions on my face. A friend once told me that I shouldn’t always be stressed. That you can see it in my face. I don’t really know how to take that. But coming from here it has made me really think hard about that. Ok so back to the song. I know that it is a good thing that I had to lose the regrets. One day I will see what that reason is. But for now I will just go forward with faith and pray that this is the right thing for me at this time. I think that you can tell a lot about a person by their regrets. And I know that there are some out there that have no regrets. Oh I wish I could be one of them. But I know that for the rest of my life I will always have 2.

Now don’t get me wrong. This hasn’t taken me away from what my long term goal is. I know that I still have a long way to go to where I can get to the point where I can be who I want to be. And really live my life in a way that I would feel happy about. I look at my friends and what they have accomplished and I look at mine as well. I guess I have focused my life on something that I probably shouldn’t have. I know that sounds like I’m putting to much pressure on myself. And that’s ok. I would rather put the world on my shoulder then to have someone go through what I have I think that is why I always want to take care of others and do what I can to make them happy. I know that I have a lot to give and to offer. And that I have a voice that needs to be heard. I need to share what I have done with the world. I need to learn to live my life with no regrets. To live a life where I am truly happy. I don’t know where or how im going to do this. How does one find happiness in something that they have created. In a place where I’m not who I want to be. May be that’s it. Maybe I need to find out where I want to be. Not just in a physical way but with every aspect of my life. Maybe the key to happiness isn’t what the world can give you. Maybe its something that you have to find within yourself. Maybe that’s how you live your life