this is harder then i thought.

so lately things have been going great for me. i really have no reason to complain about how my life is going. well except for one thing. now i really open myself up here. i try and be honest with my feelings about what is going on with my life. i try really hard to show how i really am on here. but you know there has been i guess one strong focus of my blog and its really giving me the only way i know how to help me figure things out. ok so here it is. this is where im at with my life.

so i have asked for a lot of advice about how to date. what kind of things should a person look for. and really what i should do. i have done everything i know how to do. all of my so called game has been used. the little that i have really didn't get me anywhere. there were times where i thought i was going to get somewhere. where i thought that the patience that i had had finally paid off. but then here i am. alone. it really sucks cause i have a lot of people tell me that im a really good guy. that im this and that. and even the person that i am interested has told me the same thing. but im still left with this one question. what else do i have to do to show you that i want to give you the world. what else do i have to show you that all i want to do is make you happy for the rest of our lives. what more must i do to make this happen. i am all out of questions and answers. i have nothing left. i just have myself to give. i have gotten all the advice one can get. i have asked all the questions that i thought i should ask. i have made you laugh and smile everyday for as long as i can remember. i have tried my best to make your dreams come true. what else must i do. or is there anything i can do.

recently i have watched my brother start his family and watched the joy in his eyes as her started this. and i thought to myself how i wanted that to be me. how im ready for this. and how i almost had it. and how much it still pains me to this day that i couldn't make it happen. and how i don't know if its ever going to happen. ughh its just so frustrating. i don't know what else to do for you. i don't know if im even what you want. even though you have told me this. i just don't know anymore. all i know is what i feel for you. how i feel when you walk into a room and my heart just stops for that one second. how just the sound of your laugh just makes me melt inside. how no matter what kind of crap life throws at you you always tend to come out of it with a smile on your face. oh an i love how no matter how close we get as friends when ever we talk or i even see you i get so nervous. i don't even know why im so nervous i know i shouldn't be but its just the fact that i don't want to say or do anything wrong. i just want to be perfect for you. well im so far from it but i know you will accept me for who i am. i wish there was a way where i can see what your thinking. where i can just ask what more i have to do for you. ughh i dont even know why im even writing this. freak now everyone is going to know how big of a dork i am. well this sucks. i wish i had the courage to tell you this in person. but i don't. im afraid that if was to start talking you would walk away and just laugh and point at me. oh well this is the best thing that i could think of where i can tell my true feelings. i don't know. maybe i should just go on about life and not think twice about this. maybe its best if just focus on myself for awhile. maybe im just not what your looking for. man i wish i could be that person. oh well i guess life can only tell where this is going to go for us. i just hope it goes as planed.:)